Sitting by the deathbed, a loving farewell

Being present at a loved one's deathbed is one of the most emotionally challenging and deeply meaningful experiences we can encounter in life. It is a time when love and loss intertwine in a way that challenges us to be present, to feel compassion, and to be strong when the heart feels heavy.

Presence in the final stages of life

Being present at someone's deathbed is one of the most meaningful ways to express our love and care. It is a time when closeness and comfort become our primary task. When we sit there, holding a hand, wiping away tears, or simply being there, we give a valuable gift of our time and our soul to the one who will soon leave us.

The inevitable loss:

Death is a natural part of life, but that does not mean it is easy to face. Being present at the deathbed reminds us of our own vulnerability and our own inevitable mortality. It can be painful and frightening, but it also gives us an opportunity to embrace the fragility and value of life.

Time for forgiveness and gratitude:

The deathbed is also a time for forgiveness and gratitude. Many families and friends take the time to express their feelings, forgive old misunderstandings, and express their gratitude for the moments of joy and love shared during life. This can be a powerful and healing process for both the dying and the present.

Supporting the dying:

During this period, the dying person may experience both physical and emotional discomfort. Sitting by their side means being there to alleviate their worries and pain. It may involve gently talking to them, playing their favorite music, or simply maintaining a calm and comforting atmosphere.

Death certification

When a person dies, the death is certified by a physician. Regions and municipalities have contracts with a funeral home which transports the deceased to a mortuary. The doctor sends a copy of the death certificate to the Tax Agency. Thus, the deceased's assets and debts pass to an estate which is managed by the estate's co-owners together. If there are several heirs, one of you needs a power of attorney to carry out what you heirs agree on. If you cannot agree, the district court can appoint an estate administrator.

Dealing with grief

The grief associated with the loss of a loved one often takes strength and energy. Contacting a funeral home can be essential to properly manage the estate. Many older people feel a responsibility to save money so that there is enough to cover the funeral expenses. What happens when the person who dies has no money, only debts?

There is value in having rituals associated with death. For most people, closure is needed regardless of the relationship with the deceased. Knowing how a person wants things to be when they die is important.

Grief has many layers:

After sitting at a loved one's deathbed, the work of grief can be a challenging and difficult journey. It is important to allow yourself and others who were present in this moment to fully feel their emotions. There is no "right" or "wrong" in grief, and everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.

Seeking support:

Sitting at a loved one's deathbed can be very demanding, and it is important to seek support when needed. This can be in the form of professional counseling, support groups, or simply talking to close friends and family. Sharing your feelings and memories can be an important part of processing the loss.

Let's say your father has recently passed away. You and your siblings are co-owners of the estate. The only thing there is a few thousand kronor in a bank account. All the furniture is worn out so there are no other values in the estate. Photos and letters have a certain emotional value to you as children, but there is no real value in it. He has lived in a nursing home for the last years of his life. He has debts from earlier in life.

The funeral home

When someone dies, an estate is formed. The heirs are responsible for managing the estate's obligations and property. The estate takes over the deceased's contracts and obligations. One part may be to stop automatic payments via the bank. Notify insurance companies, landlord, telephone provider and other suppliers that your loved one has passed away. The money in the estate should primarily cover funeral expenses. All other claims are unsecured. A relatively simple funeral can cost up to 30,000 SEK. Always contact an authorized funeral home early for several reasons. Estates are a jungle of rules that can be difficult to keep track of. Many become listless after a few days and need time for their grief. Then time can go by and the situation worsens for the estate. The deceased may have automatic payments that continue to be drawn for rent, insurance and other things. Pension payments, on the other hand, stop immediately.

The heirs' responsibility

In fact, heirs cannot be obliged to take over debts after a deceased person. However, situations can arise where the surviving spouse can still be obliged to pay for costs incurred in connection with the death. One example is if relatives order the removal of furniture or moving cleaning. Another is if a funeral home is hired and a funeral is arranged. Then the funeral entrepreneur must demand payment somewhere. They cannot know that the estate lacks the ability to pay, but you do. The risk is that they send the invoice to the one who ordered the service in that case.

When the estate lacks money

It happens that one has to declare the estate bankrupt. There are then reasons to turn to social services. Funeral costs are included in what social services provide when there is no money in the estate. It then usually becomes the simplest possible with cremation and memorial grove. The supplement does not always cover a memorial gathering with coffee.

There are many costs associated with a death. Estate inventory, coffin, funeral, memorial gathering, ads, tombstone. You need to consider who will conduct the funeral. Should it be a priest, a civil funeral officiant, or yourself? Those who want to search for deceased relatives' death notices can search online at "Familjesidan" (authorized funeral homes) or "Minnessidor" (Fonus).

Reflection - funeral and estate
Care staff:
• What do you tell relatives if they have questions about what happens next and what they should do?

Manager, nurse, occupational therapist, and physiotherapist:
• What do you do if there is no engaged relative?
• Does it happen that no one comes to pick up the remaining furniture?

Residents and relatives:
• Have you discussed so that there is preparedness when the day comes?

Erland Olsson
SDpecialist nurse
Sofrosyne - Better Care Every Day